Learning to Trust
by zemyx11219
Summary: Mello and Matt are now together. Both pansexual, the relationship open. But problems arise when Matt continues to sleep with anyone who takes him while Mello countinues to be faithful and never cheats on Matt. Matt quickly proves he can't trust Mello, Mello's trust and view of Matt is quickly breaking. Summary sucks, story is better. Rated M for self harm, drug abuse, and language.
1. Chapter 1: I'm sorry

Ok, this is a random Idea I had. Hope you like it! If you don't like any of the themes below (see Warnings), then click the magical button in the corner called a back arrow! **I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT FOR THE STORY AND MY BRAIN! EVERYTHING ELSE GOES TO THEIR RESPECTED OWNERS!**

**Warnings: **Yaoi, Attempted Suicide, Self Harm, OOC, Alcohol abuse, Drug Abuse, Child Abuse, Rape.

**Pairing: **MelloxMatt, MattxMisa, Mattx(anyone)

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**Mello's POV**

"MATT!" I shouted as I followed him, running up the stairs but stopping short after hearing his door slam. "Damnit, Matt..." I sighed and walked back down stairs and looked at the damage. A vase broken, a picture sideways, a cup thrown in anger.

I set about cleaning the place, thinking back to our fight.

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_"I'm home!" Matt shouted as he walked in and hugged me._

_"Hey, Mattie. Where were you? You've been gone for hours..." I looked at him. His face slightly flushed, hair messed up, I laughed. "What happened?"_

_"Nothing, I went out to get you some chocolate." He smiled fakely and kissed me cheek. "Mels, you ok? Dude...C-come on, your not gonna get mad about it, are you?"_

_I shook my head and looked back at the food I was cooking, "Nope. I guess I'll be here if you need me." I felt hurt. 'It's open, retard. You can't try to make it anything else, it'll just make things worse than they already are. Just drop it and don't fight with him.' I thought to myself._

_"Mello, I know your upset. I'm always gonna need you." He smiled and nuzzled my neck. I just kind of shrugged and kept cooking, ignoring him. "Mello, please talk to me, why are you upset?"_

_"Who was it..?" I whispered quietly._

_"What? Mello, I blast metal into my ear all day, I'm deaf." He laughed softly._

_I turned around quickly and growled, glaring at him. "Who the hell did you fuck this time, Matt?!"_

_His eyes widened at my choice of words and he stepped back. "Mello..? What the hell?" He glared back at me, anger rising faster in him than me. "I thought you understood this. We're nothing, Mello. We just sleep together, that's all. Its open, idiot."_

_I finally snapped. I didn't care what he called it, he was quickly losing my trust. "So that means you can just go and sleep with whoever you want?! I haven't _**dared**_ sleep with anyone else, I've always told you I didn't care, well guess what! I DO CARE IF YOUR THAT MUCH OF A SLUT!" As soon as I'd said the last sentence, I slapped a hand over my mouth. I looked up wide eyed at Matt, who just stood there, gaping at me like an diot. "M-Matt...I-I-!"_

_"SHUT UP!" He cut me off, glaring at me. "I didn't ask you to not sleep with anyone, Mello. I told you I didn't care what you did. I don't fucking care. Just drop it. I'm done trying to be nice to you, just go be a child somewhere else. I told you it was open, so yes, I'm allowed to sleep with whoever I want whenever I want, you can't say anything because you wanted it to be an actual relationship with me. I don't love you, I never have, I just really liked you, but I've realized how bitchy you can be."_

_My eyes widened the more he talked. I growled and shoved him back away from me, he hit his back against the counter. "What is wrong with you?! I _loved_ you, Matt! I _trusted_ you! You know how hard it is for me to trust someone, this is exactly why I don't trust anyone!"_

_"I never asked you to trust me!" He shouted and grabbed a cup from the counter, chucking it at my head. "I never asked you to love me! I don't need anyone anymore!"_

_I ducked and turned my head quickly, watching as the cup smashed into the wall and shattered. "Matt!" I looked back at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you fucking mental now?!" I started in the living room to clean up the mess, shaking my head at Matt's stupidness._

_He followed me, growling softly. "Your an idiot, Mello." He grabbed me and slammed me into the wall, knocking a picture crooked, and wrapped a hand around my throat. "You're a retard. No wonder I slept with Misa, she's your long lost twin." He let me go and stood there, still glaring at me._

_"...Shut up. You know what was my past, she's not related to me! Why the hell won't you tell me about your past?! You go out all day doing God knows what and come home to drink and cut until you pass out! I'm tired of wasting money, tell me what the hell your problem is!" I growled and grabbed a vase he'd bought when we first moved in. I chucked it towards the front door. We both watched as it hit the door and broke into pieces with a loud pop, I could almost see Matt's heart doing the same._

_"You know what? My problem is you, Mello. I'm not telling you anything about my past, go fuck yourself." With that said he turned and ran upstairs, towards his room._

_I stood there for about two seconds before I realized he was running away and I ran after him. "MATT!" He was at the top of the stairs now. "Stop, I'm sorry!"_

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Yeah...I'm really sorry for how I acted to him...He's my best friend, my boyfriend, my lover. We've been through so much together, but he doesn't trust me enough to tell me his past. He's probably getting drunk right now and slicing his arms open. I decided it'd just be better to go to bed and let him calm down.

After cleaning up the mess we'd made, I tried to eat a little, but felt too sick to keep it down after one bite. I just layed on the couch, curling into a ball facing the back of the couch, the stairs. "I'm sorry, Matt..." I whispered quietly before falling asleep.

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Please review! ^_^


	2. Chapter 2: Memories Night

If you don't like any of the themes below (see Warnings), then click the magical button in the corner called a back arrow! **I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT FOR THE STORY AND MY BRAIN! EVERYTHING ELSE GOES TO THEIR RESPECTED OWNERS!**

**Warnings: **Yaoi, Attempted Suicide, Self Harm, OOC, Alcohol abuse, Drug Abuse, Child Abuse, Rape.

**Pairing: **MelloxMatt, MattxMisa, Mattx(anyone)

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**Matt's POV**

"MATT! Wait, please!" I heard Mello shouting as I raced up the stairs to my room. I slammed the door closed, leaning back against it until I was sure he wasn't going to try to come in.

I sighed and looked around for a second before going to my closet, pulling out a small plastic box. I took the box and sat on my bed, pulling off the top and looking inside. A knife, a needle, probably over 100 small bottles of morphine, 2 bottles of vodka I'd stolen from Mello, and some strips of cloth. _Some things never change_ I thought as I threw my shirt off into a dark corner to be forgotten.

I layed back slightly to pull off my belt before hooking it tightly around my forearm. I grabbed the needle and a bottle of morphine, pulling the clear liquid into the needle before shooting it into my veins. I loosened the belt from my arm and smiled softly, feeling all my sadness and all my problems melt away. I pushed my pants off, leaving me in only my Mario Bros. boxers, and pulled out the knife. I stared down at the cold metal blade for a while, contemplating, thinking, silently begging for a better answer. But in the state of mind I was in, I couldn't help but drag the blade across my thigh, watching with undivided attention as the thick red liquid pooled in the wound and poured down my leg. I did the same to my other leg and finally smiled, a crazed Beyond Birthday insane smile, as the blood fell from both wounds slowly. Nothing deep enough to kill me.

After cutting my legs, I opened a bottle of vodka and drank some. My vision became slightly fuzzy, I felt as if my head was spinning. I kept drinking the clear liquid until I finally couldn't lift the bottle anymore, I sat it on the floor, same with the box and all its contents, before I layed back on the bed.

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"Matt is funny!" The young blonde in front of me laughed over the blaring music. We both sat at a booth drinking.

"So are you. Aren't you a bit drunk?" I asked, noticing she'd been drinking a lot when I came in.

"Yes! Misa is very drunk." She laughed again, her voice sounding similar to nails on a chalk board. "Come with me, Matt. Misa wants to talk to Matt in private." She stood and pulled me to my feet, dragging me towards a back room.

She pushed me to sit on the couch in the room and watched me. I just stared blankly at her, she seemed as if she wanted to say something but was afraid to talk. Then it hit me, she needs an escape. She's hurt and needs a friend to help. I patted the seat next to me. She hesitated before sitting next me and flinched away when I wrapped an arm around her.

"Why is Matt being nice to Misa?" Her voice took a softer tone than it had in the bar.

"Why is Misa upset? Did I do something wrong?" I looked at her, my eyes widened when she slipped to sit on the floor and hugged my waist.

"M-my boyfriend hates me. He loves another boy, Ryuuzaki. I heard them talking about a redheaded hacker. Ryuuzaki called him Matt." She looked at me. "Are you Matt? Light wanted me to get you to help us, please don't listen to him. You helped me, Matty, you helped me see how Light was using me. Let me repay you."

"I am Matt, the redheaded hacker." I ran a hand through her hair and smiled. _She looks so much like Mello..._ I thought to myself. "How do you want to repay me? I can find some ways if you're unsure."

She blushed brightly and stood again, sitting on my lap. "I will repay Matt any way I can. Would Matt want to stay in a bar to sleep with me?"

I laughed and stood, carefully standing her up as well. "Nah, lets get a hotel somewhere. I doubt you want to go to your place. I have a really religious roommate, so I doubt he'd want to hear us at my place."

She nodded happily and pulled me towards the exit, pushing her way through to crowds of drunken people. Once we got outside, I wrapped an arm around her waist and lead her to my red cheverolet camaro. She jumped into the front seat happily as I walked around my side and sat down, starting the car. She gave me directions to a very expensive looking hotel. As we pulled up I realized I couldn't pay for us to stay here without Mello finding out, I didn't have _that_ much money.

"Misa, can we go to a different hotel? I...I don't think I can pay for us to stay here." I looked towards her, but she was already getting out of the car.

"Misa will pay, it's only fair." She smiled brightly and started to the entrance.

I quickly jumped from my seat and locked the car, running to catch up to her. She stopped at the entrance, waiting for me, and wrapped her arms tightly around mine as we walked in. The front desk lady kept talking on the phone until she noticed us and hung up quickly, throwing a fake smile and talking to Misa. I tuned them both out and looked around, _this place is so nice...How can she afford this?_ I thought to myself. I almost didn't realize when Misa had paid for the room, her tugging my arm snapped me out of my thoughts. I followed her to the elevator, she pulled me inside and once the door closed she was kissing me. I leaned against the wall and held her against me. However, she pulled away as the doors openned again and pulled me out into the hall. Just down from the elevator she stopped and opened the door to a room, pulling me inside and kicking the door closed before she sat on the bed.

"Let Misa make everything better, do what you want to me." She smiled.

* * *

I shot up straight in bed, gripping my head from the dizziness from the drugs and alcohol. For the first time in a while I stood quickly and ran into my bathroom, leaning over and emptying what little I held in my stomach into the toilet. I leaned back against the wall and looked at my legs, the cuts had stopped bleeding. _I've never done this...Even after a fight, even after I've done the same thing...But I never relived the nights as clear as I did..._ I thought to myself, placing a hand on my stomach. I sighed softly and stood carefully, grabbing the first aid kit to clean up my legs. After an hour, I had bandaged my legs, dressed, and put the box back in my closet. I sat against the wall on my bed and drew a knee to my chest.

"Fuck..." I whispered when everything that happened in the last day clicked together in my mind.

I was in love with Mello.

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